


Out of My Hands

by UnapologeticMS



Series: Time in a Bottle [1]
Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Grief, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-12 00:41:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18000518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnapologeticMS/pseuds/UnapologeticMS
Summary: This story comes from Opie's heartbreak following Donna's death and spans the following year. It's about Opie's redemption, about reconnecting with an old friend (OC) who helps him rebuild his life.





	1. The Difficult Kind

"I don't know what to do, Nelly." Opie heard his wife say, as he walked into the house from the garage. The anxiety in her words stopped Ope cold in his tracks. He could picture Donna and her best friend of twenty year sitting at their kitchen table, leaning towards each other over tall glasses of iced tea, his wife's brunette hair and petite frame in stark contrast to Nelly's auburn curls and long limbs. He witnessed this scene often enough to imagine it clearly.

"You're between a rock and a hard place, Donna, I get it." He heard Nelly's cool, calm voice. "But honey, you've already made the choice when you stuck with him while he was in prison."

"Oh, Nelly, everything is so simple to you."

"How is it not simple? Why would you wait for him through the heartache, and raise two babies on your own, if you didn't love him?"

"Of course I love him." Opie smiled at indignation in Donna's voice. "He's the father of my kids, the first and only man I've ever been with."

The first and only man. The back of Opie's neck burned at the memory of his first time, when he was nearly seventeen, in a wood-panelled back room of the clubhouse, with a lovely young girl who grew into the woman his wife was talking to at this very moment. He was called Harry then and Nelly was his first love, as he was hers. They both thought their awkward tenderness had bonded them for life, tethered them for all eternity. They were torn from each other soon after, as she disappeared without a trace. Opie searched for Nel for months, until there was nothing else he could do. Donna and Opie grieved together and slowly fell in love. Nel's been gone the better part of the next fourteen years, moving back to Charming soon after he was put away, reconnecting with Donna and helping her with the kids. Whatever happened between them in the past didn't bother Donna, so he too put it behind him, packed it away along with the guilt for moving on. Nowadays, the only link connecting him to Nelly was their shared affection for Donna and the kids. And the fact that their houses faced each other across the street.

Nelly's voice brought him back to the present. "If you want to make it work, Donna, then you've got to accept him for who he is, SAMCRO and all. You know it's part of him, it'll always be. And in spite of that he tried going straight, because that's what you've asked of him and because he loves you."

"I know that, but Opie spent five years in prison because of SAMCRO and I can't bear it to happen again, or worse. So, my choice is to live with the risk of loosing him again or to tear my family apart."

"Your man is not a fool. Give him a chance to work it out his way." There was no response from Donna. Nelly gave a big sigh and added, "Whatever happens, I'm here for you."

Opie's heard enough. He pulled on the door and slammed it loudly, calling out, "Donna, I'm home." His deep voice echoed down the hall to the kitchen, but he didn't go to meet them, heading instead for the shower. He wasn't quite ready to face their scrutiny. By the time he was done, Nelly was gone and Donna was packing. That caught him by surprise.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like? I'm taking kids to my mom's. We'll stay with her for a while. I need time to think."

"What is there to think about? I love you and I love our kids. I'm going back to Sons, because it's who I am, and it's the best way I can provide for our family." Donna looked back with painful indecision, saying nothing. "If you can't get behind that, then keep packing." It hurt Ope to say those words, but he didn't want Donna to be undecided. He wanted her to stay, because she wanted it. He sighed, "Where are my kids? I wanna see them."

"At Nelly's." Donna turned away to throw more toys into a cardboard box. She waited for her husband to leave before she started weeping.


	2. In the Midnight Hour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own SofA or any of itscharacters/places in this story. Nelly, her family and circumstances are mine. And I've made up names for Donna & Opie's kids, cause that's how I roll.

Opie crossed the narrow street separating their house from the neighbours. Nelly's was smaller than theirs, but well kept. She lived on her own, men coming into her life infrequently, usually divorced dads of the kids she taught in the junior public school Molly and Toby were attending. Opie often wondered why that was the case, why Nelly hasn't settled down, started a family, why she dated those dead-beats. He knew she was smarter than that, but she was no longer the easygoing flower-child he knew in high school. Nowadays, Nelly was quiet and subdued, with a thick wall constantly surrounding her. Many nights, when he came home well after midnight, he glimpsed her sitting in the shadows of her front porch. Always alone. At those times he wondered what happened to Nelly while she was away, to change her so much from the carefree girl he remembered.

As he opened the front gate of Nelly's miniscule front yard, Opie heard his children's laughter drifting through an open window. They were playing dress-up, with Toby being a knight to Molly's princess. The kids loved Nelly and she was always full of fun ideas to occupy their time. In many ways, Opie was grateful that Nelly was there for his family when he couldn't be, when Donna's own family and his mother turned their backs on them. He knocked on the door and walked in without being asked.

"How are my little monkeys?" The kids were happy to see him, even if still a little shy. Toby ran over to give him a big hug, while Molly smiled with her whole mouth and said, "Hi, daddy."

"Everything ok?" Nelly asked after children had ran off to play.

"Yeah, you know, the usual." He tried to make it sound casual. "Donna's packing."  
"Shit," Nelly whispered under her breath, so the kids wouldn't hear. "Give her time, Harry. She'll come out of it on the right end."

His old name fell unguarded from her lips again. No one else called him that anymore, not even Donna. Old habits die hard, he figured.

"I don't know, Nelly." Ope shook his head, recalling that she told Donna the same thing. She obviously wished them well, believing they would patch things up.

"You two are a pair of stubborn mules, each pulling in opposite direction." She whispered, as they watched the kids. "Life is short, Harry. You'd already lost five years. Don't waste any more time."  
"You may want to tell her that."

"And you think I don't? Work with her to find the middle ground, you all deserve that."

Easier said than done, thought Opie as he gathered up his kids.

Later that day, Donna looked him in the eye and told him she was ready to rejoin Sam Crow family. He couldn't be happier. Finally his double life was over, but more importantly, it meant that his family would stay intact. He had always loved Donna, never strayed, never had a reason or desire to. Now that she has accepted him whole, loved him whole, it stoked the fire of his devotion. From that day he was a new man, joining his brothers in clear conscience. Still, from time to time, a little voice in the back of his head whispered of risks and dangers of the path he chose. Than all of it came crashing down when the ATF agents visited Donna and threaten their new-found stability.

Nelly watched from the darkness of her porch as Donna, Opie and their two children were loaded into a government-issue black Suburban. Ope wasn't handcuffed, but she could see a stubborn grimness in the set of his jaw, his defiance in the rigid set of his shoulders. Nelly stepped out of the shadows just in time to make eye contact with Donna, who gave her a barely perceptible shake of the head, her face drawn with anxiety in the orange glow of a street light. Nelly was worried sick. The next morning she called up Chief Unser, who she knew was in Sam Crow's pocket, and was told he was off duty. Then Deputy Hale told her politely to get lost. Her fear returned when Jax came around later that day, asking about what she saw. She told him she saw nothing, but the next door neighbour didn't spare the details. Regardless of what she did see that night, Nelly couldn't imagine Opie becoming a turncoat.

As if by some miracle, Donna and her family returned home in the evening. Nelly crossed the street and knocked on their door, eager to be reassured. Opie was already on his way to the club and Donna was putting their kids to bed.

"I was so scared, Nelly. I thought they would lock up Opie and throw away the key."

"What happened?" She had to ask.

Donna stopped what she was doing when she heard Nelly's question and took a step closer, as if afraid to be overheard. "They've asked Opie to testify against the club and offered us witness protection."

Nelly couldn't stop a shocked intake of breath. Considering Donna's doubts and desire for a simple life, she was beginning to think that maybe Opie accepted that offer.

Donna continued unprompted. "I was tempted, believe me, but Opie would never do it. It would kill him. He refused to be bullied into ratting on his brothers. And you know what? I'm proud of him for sticking to his guns. These government goons used us, set us against each other only to get to Sam Crow." Angry words were spewing from Donna's lips, becoming louder as she grew more aggravated. "I'm behind Opie now, all the way, for better or for worse. Uncle Sam can kiss my ass."


	3. Be Still

In the midst of a the ATF threat to SAMCRO, Jax was bringing his son, Abel, home from the hospital after a lengthy stay in the "toaster." The baby was born prematurely and with many defects. The fact that he was alive and well was a big victory and a reason for celebration. Jax was like a brother to Opie, and Donna wanted their family to be present, involved.

After the party, Opie gave Donna a lingering kiss as he handed her keys to the pick-up. His wife wanted to help Jax's mother, Gemma, with after-party clean up and Ope was eager at a chance to spend some time with the kids and put them to bed. It wasn't something he could do often, and the simple task made him feel like the daddy he always hoped to be. Toby and Molly were asleep in no time, knackered out from a day of partying, while Opie sat in his backyard, sipping a cold beer and basking in the contentment of his new life.

That's when he got the call. It was Jax. "There was a shooting, Opie. Something happened to Donna." In a blind panic he ran across the street to Nelly's house, hammered on her front door.

"What's wrong?" He saw naked fear in her eyes.

"I got a call, something happened to Donna." He felt brain-dead as he repeated Jax's words. "I can't help but think the worst. Please stay with the kids."

"Oh, dear God... Go." Nelly grabbed a key ring from a hook next to the door and locked it. She followed Opie across the street. While he got on his bike, Nelly was already closing behind her the front door of his house.

Later that night, Jax followed Opie home. Even if the big man said he wanted to be alone, Jax couldn't just let him go on his own. Donna was dead from bullets meant for Opie's head. It was the last thing anyone expected, and it shattered Opie. Jax was furious, but above all else, his heart was breaking for his brother. He didn't know what he'd do if it was Tara in that bodybag. He watched from his bike as Opie parked on the driveway and sat there for a few long moments with his head in his hands. Finally, the big man slowly climbed off the bike. Even before he got to the front door, Nelly was already in it. She must have been waiting, listening for the rumble of his return. Opie approached her with a heavy step and as he told her what happened, Nelly covered her mouth and chocked on a sob. Opie reached for her and she collapsed into his embrace, their shadows merging into one, shaken by the force of their shared grief. Feeling like a trespasser, Jax fired up the bike and got on his way.


	4. Let it be me

Opie and Nelly soon parted ways, each retreating to grieve alone. He stayed up all night, and it was hard, but the day that followed was harder. The flurry of well-wishers, with their sympathy and kindness, was wearing him down. The hardest of all was not his own pain, his overwhelming guilt, but the sad faces of his children. Opie wasn't sure if they comprehended that their mom was never coming back, but the fact that they were quiet and almost invisible made him think that maybe they did. All of the sudden, the house was too small. He didn't know where to go, so he grabbed a pack of smokes and headed for a narrow garden gate across the street.

A little while later, Nelly found him sitting on the steps of her back porch, cigarette in his hand, hair shading his eyes. She stepped out before she noticed him and wished she didn't disturb him. Her own grief was still too raw, too new. Opie barely turned his head when he spoke to her. "Hope you don't mind if I'll sit here a while. The house is too full."

"Stay as long as you like." She hesitated, then asked. "How are Molly and Toby?"

"They are hurting, Nel," It pained him just to think about it. "Toby's been crying most of the day, Molly won't say a word."

"I'm so sorry, Harry." He heard Nelly whisper, tears cracking her voice. "Let me know if there's anything I can do."

She turned to leave, but Opie realized he wanted her company. He laid his hand on the step next to him and said, "Stay."

"I thought you came here to be alone." Nelly gave him a sad shadow of a smile.

"I guess not."

Again she hesitated and then joined him. He offered his cigarette, but she refused. They sat in silence, looking out on the blooming crab-apple trees crowding her backyard.

"How are you doing?" Opie asked finally.

"I should be asking you."

"Don't ask." Opie shook his head. His eyes filed with tears and he swallowed them back. "If I'll start talking, I might not be able to stop."

Nelly looked at him, grief and worry creasing her eyes. "If you need to talk, Opie, I'm here."

He let out a long ragged breath, his face tilted up to the noon sun, and tears rolled down the sides of his face. How could he express what he felt? The monster balled up in his gut, the rage, the remorse, the sorrow of it all. "I should have stopped when she asked me to. She'd still be alive. It's all my fault."

It was turn for Nelly's tears. "No one's blaming you, Opie." She whispered and let them fall. "You didn't pull the trigger."

"I might as well have."

"Don't put this on yourself. Toby and Molly need their dad. You can't give up, for their sake if nothing else."

"Their mother is gone, she's dead because of me, Nelly." Opie couldn't hold it in anymore. He sobbed as he balled up on himself, covering his head with his arms. "I'd do anything to bring her back, and I can't."

He felt Nelly's hand touch his back, stroking it up and down the length of his tense muscles, soothing him like a child. Oh, how much he wanted this comfort right now. How much he wanted someone to make it all better, if only for a little while. Opie couldn't help leaning towards her and resting his aching head in her lap. The big man encircled her waist with his arms and cried his heart out as she embraced him and made soothing noises. And even though Nelly's hot tears seared the back of his neck, for those few moments he felt lighter. 

Before Ope was ready to let go, he felt someone's presence in the little garden and turned to it. Jax was standing at the gate, tentative in his approach. "Everyone's been looking for you, bro." He said quietly and left.

"I better go." Opie ran his hands down his face, then back up through his hair. After a second thought, he added. "Come. Toby and Molly will be glad to see you."

The tears were still fresh in her eyes. "I'll be there soon."

He understood. He wouldn't be going back if he didn't have to, and with a small nod of thanks he headed back to his aggrieved household.


	5. Tears in heaven

As Nelly entered the house, she understood why Opie looked for an escape. It was literally full of people. She had to squeeze her way through the crowd, with someone stopping her every step of the way to offer condolences. Ope was standing in the kitchen with his SAMCRO brothers, towering over everyone, and Nelly could swear she saw relief in his eyes when they met hers. Then she noticed Jax watching her thoughtfully and decided to avoid them both. Instead, she headed to the kids' room. As their father told her, Toby and Molly were unnaturally quiet, seemingly overwhelmed by all the commotion. She managed to convince them to get out to the yard, get on the swing set. They drifted on the swings without any joy at wind in their hair, and Nelly didn't have the heart to feign cheerfulness. As they moved from swings to sandbox, the most she could do is dispense cuddles and kisses, and still, the kids didn't talk.

She was sitting in the lawn chair by the sand box when Jax came to her. They'd been friends in high school, and often double dated. She and Harry, Jax and Tara. An echo of a life not lived. He sat down in a chair next to her and they watched the kids in silence for a while.  
"Your mom died in a car crash when you were about Molly's age, isn't that right?" He asked her quietly.  
"That's right." Charming was a small town, everybody knew everything.  
"So you get what they're going through."  
She just nodded, unsure of where he was going with this.  
"How are you doing?"   
She was sick of hearing that question, but knew that he, of all people, asked sincerely.  
"I'm coping, Jax. Trying to be here for the kids. Relieve Harry and his mother." That name slipped out again and Nelly saw an uneasy shadow cross Jax's face when he heard it.  
"How is Ope doing?"  
"He lost his wife. How do you think he's doing?" She felt hot impatience bubbling up in her.  
"I know you two have history and all. I can imagine you care for him still." Jax whispered, watching the kids.  
"That was a lifetime ago. What of it?"  
"All I'm saying is, don't break his heart."  
"That job's been done already, don't you think?" Nelly snapped, for the moment caring more about Opie and less about the accusation. And then she backtracked, appalled, "Do you think I've been bidding my time? That I'm waiting to step into Donna's shoes, to fill the void in his bed?"  
Angry tears flooded her eyes and Jax bowed his head, suddenly looking ashamed, "I'm sorry, Nelly. I know you're ok, I'm just protective of Ope."  
"Donna was like a sister to me, Jax, like Opie's a brother to you. I love these kids, I've helped to raise them."  
"I know what you've done for this family, Nelly, I've seen it."  
"And yet you accuse me of planning to seduce Opie when he's most vulnerable." I'm not Tara, she almost said, but bit back the words. Jax never set out to hurt her.  
"I'm sorry." Jax grasped her hand, sincere apology in his eyes. "I'm just an asshole trying to look out for his best friend."  
"Well, you don't need to worry about me." Nelly pulled her hand out of his grip, stung by his suspicion. "Your energy will be better spent on finding the bastard who killed Donna."  
Jax gave her a long thoughtful look, and then in his slow wise way he said, "Ok." She heard finality in the word and knew he wouldn't doubt her again. And with that he left.

As Nelly sat there, feeling as heartbroken as the kids, eight-year-old Molly came to her and climbed into her lap. "Where is mommy? When is she coming back?" she asked.  
"Your mommy was in an accident and she died, baby." It was best to tell the truth, Nelly knew that.  
Molly's eyes filled with tears and she sniffled. "But who will take care of us now?"  
"All the people who love you: your daddy, your grandma and pops. Your aunties and uncles."  
"You too?"  
"Me too, sweetie." Nelly smoothed the girl's hair and wiped her nose. "You don't need to worry."  
"But no one is talking to us." Molly said earnestly. How right she was.  
"That's because we are all very sad, Molly, like you are."  
"I miss mommy," she said as the corners of her mouth fell. She leaned into Nelly and started to cry.  
"Me too, baby, me too..." Whispered Nel, as she held her.  
Toby came over and hugged his sister. "Don't cry, Molly. Mommy will make it better."  
Nelly had a hard time holding back the tears, but someone had to be strong for these kids. Their mother was gone, and everyone was too wrapped up in their own grief to pay attention to theirs.


	6. Everybody Hurts

In the weeks that followed Nelly wished she could do more for Opie and his kids, yet she knew it wasn't her place to do it. Mary took over the care of her grandchildren, but they visited Nelly every weekend and she was always glad to have them. Sometimes she took them to school in the mornings and at times brought them back home, filled in for Mary or Piney in times of emergency. She saw less and less of Opie, and when she did, they hardly spoke, exchanging only a few word. It was painfully obvious he was wasting away, becoming thin and haggard, his eyes dead and grim all the time. His grief consumed him, pushed him away from his kids, and she heard he got in the habit of sleeping at the club. Nelly wanted to help him somehow, but Jax's warning had taken seed and kept her away. Instead, Nelly concentrated on moving on. She missed Donna terribly. Their lives were so intertwined that her best friend's absence left gaping holes in Nelly's day, and she tried to fill them with work.

Then July came, school was out, and Nelly had all the time in the world. Mary got tired of full-time babysitting, started calling in sick every other day, complained that Opie was never around. That's when Jax called Nel, looking for help.  
"Opie and I don't see eye to eye lately, so he refused to hear me out," his voice was tense and his breaths clipped, "But someone needs to talk to him about his priories. Mary told me she's had enough and there's no one else willing to take care of these kids."  
"There's me, but I'm not sure you're ok with that." Whatever friendship they've had was strained during that conversation in Opie's backyard.  
"You've made your point," Jax snapped impatiently, "But Ope needs to come home and take responsibility for his own children. Please, just talk to him."  
"What makes you think he'll listen to me?"  
"Just try."

Nelly walked over to Opie's house as soon as she finished speaking with Jax. Mary was getting ready to leave and was overjoyed when Nelly showed up on the doorstep. She bolted in a matter of minutes, and since Opie wasn't home, Nelly packed the kids into her Golf and headed to the club. She'd ambush him and he would either cave in and listen or he'd never speak to her again, but that was the risk she had to take. She parked in front of the club and asked Gemma to watch the kids.

As Nelly stepped through the big black door into the smokey confines of the club, a lead ball formed in the pit of her stomach. She hasn't been back here since those days with Harry when she was sixteen, but the club looked and felt the same, it smelled of the same lingering stink of booze and cigars. Most of the Sons were there and a hush fell over them when she walked in. Jax sat perched on a stool by the bar, smoking a cigarette. His eyes lit up at the sight of her.

"Where is he?", she asked him.

"In the back," Jax answered and gestured to the back rooms of the club. Stealing herself with a deep breath, she crossed the expanse of the bar floor and headed for the short hallway leading there. It ended on another perpendicular one, and John Teller's sky-blue bike stood in a large niche in the wall where they met. Nelly looked to the row of doors and found one opened. She headed straight for it. When she reached the room she saw Opie sitting on the bed, his head down, his broad back curved in defeat. He looked up at her sharply, surprise in his eyes. Nelly had to grab the door frame to steady herself as a wave of vivid memories and nausea made her dizzy. All she could do is turn away and retreat.

For a moment Opie thought his mind had played a trick on him, but then he realized that what he saw was real. He hurried after Nelly and caught up to her in the short hallway leading to the bar. "Nelly, stop! What's wrong?" He asked as he touched her shoulder. It made her jump. There were tears in her eyes and her breath was coming quick and short. "Just that room... you in it..." She stumbled over words. "A motherload of déjà vu."

"Yeah, I know." A mix of long forgotten emotions swept over Opie, and he understood how she felt. He pushed it back with a question about the present, "What are you doing here, Nel?"

"Your mother left the kids with me and took off. She said she was tired of you not being around. I don't think she'll be coming back."

Opie swore under his breath as he rested his back against the wall. That's the last thing he needed. "Can you stay with them for a while? I'll pay you."

"I don't want your money!" She exclaimed, distressed. "I'll take care of them gladly, and I'll do it for their sake. I'll help you in any way I can, Opie, but Molly and Toby need their dad. You need to come home."

As long as he was at the club, immersed in its business, he felt he could cope. Facing his kids was too much for him to handle, "I can't do it, Nelly. I just can't."

"I know you're hurting, but you can't run from it forever." She came a step closer, not in the least intimidated by his imposing height, her eyes intent, her voice determined, "I have first hand experience of what a bereaved father's withdrawal can do to a child, and it's not a pretty picture."

"I'm numb, Nel, I've got nothing to give," That much was true, "It's out of my hands."

"You selfish bastard... Don't you see that they are grieving too? You better dig deep under all this self-pity and loathing to find some love and affection for these children." The anger in her voice, the way she stabbed her finger at this chest made chinks in his armour, "And you better come home tonight, or I swear, I'll call Child Services and make sure you'll never see them again."

Opie realized that desperation drove Nelly to this point and he was certain she wasn't making empty threads. Something in him cracked. He'd already lost Donna, he couldn't bear loosing Molly and Toby too. He gave a resigned sigh, "Ok."

He saw her shoulders slump in relief as she backed off and propped herself against the opposite wall. "Ok?"

"I'll come home tonight. After my day's work is done here, I'm coming home, I promise." He assured her earnestly, and then decided he might as well start being a father, "Where are they? I wanna see them."

Outside, Molly and Toby were sitting at one of the picnic tables. Opie went to his kids, knelt in front of them and embraced them both. While Nelly looked on relieved, Gemma came out of the office and joined her.

"You've got some balls standing up to Ope, but you've done a good thing, Nelly."

"It's only the beginning, but I hope it'll last." Sighed the younger woman. "Thanks for keeping an eye on the kids, Gemma."

"Any time, honey." Gemma smiled at her, "You need anything, you give me a call."

Nelly knew a show of good will when she saw one, and to get it from Gemma was a rare privilege. "Thanks, Gemma. I appreciate it."


	7. Fix You

Following his conversation with Nelly, Opie's day got very complicated. The Zobelle set-up went all wrong, and he was lucky not to be picked up along with the rest of the Sons. Opie watched his brothers being handcuffed and loaded into a police van, while Zobelle and his cronies went free. He chased the bastards, but a civilian car got in his way and Opie ended up crashing his bike. The big man landed on a car's windshield, and rolled off with a bruised back. Still, his bike was in a worse shape than he was.

When Opie finally made it home that night, he was sore and exhausted. It was the first time in weeks he's been to the house and he found it quiet and tidy, smelling of cookies. He half expected Donna to come out of the kitchen and greet him with a kiss. The loss he felt now was as intense and heartbreaking as on the night of his wife's death. Without Donna, this house was no longer his home. For a moment he regretted coming back and slumped down on a couch with a sigh. This is when he noticed Nelly come out of the kids' bedroom.

He was waiting for reproach, more of the scolding he got at the club, but instead she smiled and said, "It's good to see you, Opie," and then went to the fridge and got him a beer. He accepted it gratefully as she sat down next to him.

"Thanks for setting me straight. It couldn't have been easy on you."

"You should thank Jax. He put me up to it." She was obviously troubled by the rift between them. Opie didn't understand why Jax has been on edge since Donna's death, and it was beyond him to care.

"But you're the one who got through to me."

"Lucky break, I guess." Nelly shrugged, refusing to accept the credit. Then she must have noticed his weariness, because her face became serious as she asked, "What happened, Opie?"

He took a breath and decided to tell her. "There was a mess up and all of the Sons have been booked. By some dumb luck I've managed to get away."

"Oh, no..." Nelly whispered, concerned. "What now?"

"Gemma is in touch with the lawyer, trying to get bail. I'll hold the fort at the shop." Opie shifted in his seat uncomfortably, his back objecting to the way his long body was settled on a couch. He needed to stretch out. "I think I'm gonna go lay down." He started to get up, but his muscles seized and he sat back with a groan.

"You're hurt." Nelly's green eyes widened.

"Just my back. Must have bruised some ribs when I fell off my bike."

Nelly's eyes became wider still, but all she said was, "Let me see," and taking his hand, helped him get to his feet. Opie pulled off his shirt and the whole right side of his back, from shoulder blade to hip bone, felt painful and swollen.

He didn't see Nelly's face, but heard her click her tongue and then say, "I'm going to check if you'd cracked any ribs. It'll hurt a bit." He felt her fingers, cool and daft, probing for bones under the skin. He ached all over, but when she pressed his bruises, the pain didn't intensify. And the pain he felt was good, reminded him he was still alive. She finished and said, "It seems nothing's broken. I'll get you an ice pack."

"No, I'll be fine." He refused to be coddled.

"You're the only Son left standing, Opie. You better be in shape to ride tomorrow."

As a brother, he couldn't argue with Nelly's reasoning and shouldn't have been surprised that she understood what he did and how the club worked. "Good point."

He went to his bedroom and stretched out on his stomach across the king-sized bed, while Nellie rummaged through the freezer. She returned with a bag of something frozen, which she applied to his aching back. He sighed, part in pain, part in relief.

"Do you want me to hang around, just in case the kids need someone at night?" She asked tentatively.

"I'll be ok." He was slipping into sleep already. Nelly put a bottle of pain-killers and a phone next to his head and said, "Call me if you need anything. I'll be home."


	8. Dreaming with a Broken Heart

Opie had every intention to take responsibility for his kids, but the dire situation of SAMCRO had put a damper on his plans, and the first call he made the next morning was to Nelly. He needed her help while he took care of the shit-storm that hit the club. Once that had passed and his brothers were out on bail, Opie was determined to be a better father, to do it alone, but in a short time he realized that he was completely out of his element. He still felt detached from the world around him, and spending any time with his kids required an extraordinary amount of effort on his part. The big man was still getting to know his children when their mother died, and now he was thrust into being their only parent, but he realized he couldn't do it on his own. He didn't know what to do when Toby got sick or how to soothe Molly when she lost her favourite doll. He began asking Nelly for help, hesitant at first, not wanting to impose and ask another favour. As much as she was fond of them, they were not her responsibility. But their sad little faces lit up only when they stayed with her, and so Opie did what he could to keep them happy.

He was distracted as he took a vote at the Rosewood table. They had a gun run for the Irish and Jax wanted him on his crew. That meant he wouldn't be able to pick up Toby and Molly from school as he promised. There was no one else, and he had to get in touch with Nelly, feeling guilty about it already. He knew she was in class, so he fired off a text, 'Can you get the kids after school and take them home? I've got to work. Let me know.'  
His phone buzzed a few minutes later with a reply, 'Roger roger. Be safe.' His lips twitched in a smile at her reference to Star Wars, which they adored as kids, and Jax joined him just in time to see it.  
"What's up?" He asked, hopeful.  
It wasn't for him to know. "Nothing," said Opie, his mouth a grim line again.  
"Some sweet-butt sexting you?" Jax joked.  
"Something like that," Opie responded carelessly as he slipped the phone into his pocket, but Nelly's message warmed his heart. Gradually, he came to rely on Nel almost every day. He apologized often. She always told him not to. In time, they got into a routine, where on some days Nelly would be with Molly and Toby from morning pick up to bedtime and beyond, while Opie took care of the club business. Nelly would have minded if she had a life, but it seemed this was her life now.

Every day was a struggle for Ope. Sleep eluded him, and when he slept, his dreams were troubled: reliving the past, searching for Donna, loosing her all over again. Then the big man woke up to an empty bed and a quiet house, and couldn't get back to sleep. One of those nights, in a desperate attempt to make some peace with Donna's passing, he went through the house and removed some of her presence, some of the things that still reminded him of her. In a little box under the bed he found her diaries. Opie's seen them around, but never read anything Donna wrote, and now that she was gone, he opened them and slowly flipped the pages. As he did, some sentences came alive, as though he could almost hear her voice. Opie's the man for me, he's such a sweetheart... I miss Nelly so much, wish I could call her, talk to her... It breaks my heart that by the time Opie'll be out, our babies won't recognize him. It's so hard being away from him... Nelly's been such a big help, I don't know how I'd hold it together without her... My man will be home tomorrow and I can't wait to get my hands on him... The last one made Opie smile, as he remembered the loving welcome his wife gave him when he returned from prison. He put the stack back together with elastic bands and hugged it to his chest. As his tears began to fall, Opie said goodbye to his wife for the last time.


	9. Blackbird

When Nelly came over in the morning, Opie was holding a stack of small books bound with elastic bands. Nel recognized them immediately as Donna's diaries. She knew that Donna had kept one ever since they were kids and wrote in it every day, even if it was just one sentence reflection of her day.  
"I've been clearing out some of Donna's things and I found these," said Opie as he handed them over to Nelly. "You were her closest friend and I want you to have them."  
Nelly fingered the spines lovingly, feeling her best friend's presence in the volumes, "Maybe you should keep them for Molly and Toby."  
"You can share these with the kids when they get older, fill in the holes, tell them about the woman their mom was," Opie said hopefully, "In some ways you knew Donna better than I did, and I'm sure she told you more than she ever wrote in those diaries."  
Nelly looked at him gratefully and her green eyes filled with tears. "It's a precious gift, Opie, thank you."  
"That's the least I can do for everything you've done for us."  
"Your family made me feel like I was part of it from the moment I returned to Charming," the tears fell and her voice began to break, "I'm returning the favour."  
Opie's heart broke for Nelly as he closed the distance between them and embraced her, suddenly realizing how much Nelly must have suffered in these last few months. "I'm so sorry, Nel, for pushing you into taking care of us, when everything around you was a constant reminder of Donna. I'm sorry for not being there for you."  
"I miss her so much, Opie." Nelly murmured through sobs, her head cradled under his chin, her arms around his waist. "It's so hard without her."  
"I know, Nel. At least we've got each other."

The house was quiet when he came home that night. Nelly was not on the couch, as he was accustomed to finding her, with a book in one hand and cup of tea in the other. His first gut reaction was one of anxiety, but then he recognized the peaceful quiet of a slumbering household, and went to check on his kids and to look for Nelly. He found her and Toby sleeping in his king-sized bed. The boy was under a blanket, curled into her, while Nelly was lying on top of the cover with her arm over the child. The bedside lamp was still on and it cast a soft light on Nelly's serene face, all the grief and worries wiped clean. Her hair was spread around her head and glowed like a copper halo. Opie forgot how beautiful she was, and for a moment, he was lost in a vision of his personal angel. He shook his head to snap out of his reverie and went to get another blanket from the closet. He laid it over her gently and as he did, Nelly's eyes opened, "I'm sorry, Opie, I didn't mean to fall asleep..."  
"It's ok, I didn't mean to wake you." It broke Opie's heart that she was apologizing for taking care of his kids. "Go back to sleep."  
She shook her head. "The neighbours will talk. So will Sam Crow."  
"Let them. You and I know the truth."  
That seemed to convinced her, because she pulled up the blanket over her shoulder and asked. "What about you?"  
"I'll take the couch."  
"At least grab a pillow." She whispered as her eyes closed again.

Opie smiled and did exactly that. There was a certain comfort to their conversation, a familiarity that settled him, made him feel at home. He wished he could stretch out next to Nelly and his boy, take a load off without feeling guilty, without feeling like he was betraying Donna. Even though he knew it was for the best, when he headed for the couch, he did so reluctantly.


End file.
